I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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