she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
