Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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