So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
