You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
