it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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