my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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