rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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