I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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