Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
