I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
