he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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