Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
