Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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