You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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