Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
