I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
