I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
