I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
