call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
