i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
