She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
