hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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