Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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