trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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