I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
