Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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