I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
