we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
