dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
