Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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