i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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