So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
