I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
