Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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