Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
