so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
