you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
