so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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