Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
