Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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