next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
did you just send me my own nude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
