i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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