it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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