I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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