I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
