guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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