end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
