dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
