I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
