remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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