stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
