I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
