Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
