Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he puts the penis in happiness.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
